Chronus, father of all, furrowed his brow and brought down his fist in one last mighty pump. Finally he ejaculated. And thus, the Milky Way was created.
Venus Beach: twelve miles of pristine sands and clear waters frilling the very southern border of the Zacheus mainlands. Subsurface currents were just right in the region to carry away pollution and debris. Weather anomalies were rare and far between. It was almost ideal, if not for the monolithic cock dominating the horizon, raising up and up until it faded into the blue of the sky. Enormous wires of pubic hair also reached upwards, waves crashing quietly against them.
Most seemed not to mind though, and Venus Beach enjoyed widespread popularity. In younger ages, royalty had their summer homes there; in older, tourists crowded shoulder-to-shoulder. And on the first day of the last year of recorded history on Zacheus, two women found themselves to be the only visitors along the entire twelve mile strip.
"This is spooky."
"You think everyone's sleeping off their hangovers?" Millie asked. She still had a small headache from the New Year's party last night. And a not so small hickey. She tilted her sunhat down to block the sun.
"Or maybe we're the only ones left." Susan slipped out of her sandals and tested the sands before cursing loudly. She was already down to her bikini (she had even driven them to the beach that way; "No time to waste like the present," she had said). Millie couldn't be that bold, which is why she sputtered when Susan took her top off and let it drop.
"What are you doing?"
"I've always wanted to do this," She said, slipping down her bottoms. "If we're the last women on Zacheus, we might as well be as naked as Zacheus too."
"Are you serious?"
"Come on." Susan extended a hand out seemingly symbolically.
It took Millie twelve seconds before she sighed and unbuttoned her jean shorts.
In the healthy youth of civilization a hurricane struck a harbor town a ways up the coast from Venus Beach. Being relatively unprepared, six thousand people were killed. Thousands of years later a hurricane of relatively the same force returned for a second round. However, given the rise of a mysterious art called 'building standards', the storm did little more than knock out the power for a couple of days. The populace had to find other means of entertaining themselves, and nine months later a sixty thousand bump in newborns was recorded in the censuses.
"Is this really something you do on your first date?"
"I've had other dates before."
"You know what I mean." Millie sat on her beach towel, huddled up in nervousness. The sun reflected brightly on her nude skin, streaked with patches of poorly-applied sun lotion. Beside her, Susan lay with her arms behind her back, holding nothing back and baring it all to the world, drinking in the sun.
"You weren't nervous last night."
"I was drinking..." Millie couldn't help but admire the dense patch of pubic hair Susan sported. A thick and gnarled jungle for her fingers to get lost in. Last night it was slick and coarse as she curled errant strands around a wandering thumb...
Susan sat up. "You know what your problem is Millie? You're not living. You're not in the moment. People will tell you things. You have to wear clothes, you shouldn't fuck on the first date, you can't drive on the wrong side of the road. But you can, you totally can. You just think you can't."
"Driving on the wrong side of the road is dangerous."
"That's exactly it. You're missing the point. You think too much. Just relax."
"How can I relax?" Millie forgot her modesty and unconsciously relaxed. "Everything's going wrong in the world, I feel like I'm spiraling out of control... it's like I'm just going faster and faster, and I can't stop getting caught up in everything, and one day I'm just going to hit a wall and crash.... just full stop, ninety to zero. You know?"
Susan pointed up to the penis on the horizon. "Hey, what do you think it would feel like to take that cock?"
"Painful."
At night the sky cleared, and the full extent of the gigantic penis would come into view. Far, far above, hundreds of miles, the enormous glans was obscured from view by a gigantic hand wrapped around the mighty girth.
The time it took Zacheus to orbit around the sun was one year. The time it took for a single pump of the world-cock, if one would believe the astronomers, was seventy-two years. The celestial hand-job was estimated to last tens to hundreds of millennia. Though it could finish tomorrow, depending on how hair-trigger Zacheus was.
Later that night Millie would be crying in bed. Susan would be beside her, silently contemplating the ceiling. The sunhat would still be on the beach, forgotten. In two and a half minutes, Millie's cat would get up for a midnight rendezvous with the litter box.
An old proverb goes like this. A prosperous king ruled his kingdom wisely and justly, and was gifted all that was good under the grace of Zacheus. Yet as he grew older and frailer, he became obsessed with his own mortality. He abandoned his land and his fortunes to travel the world and find an elixir for eternal youth.
It took him a year to find a way to create the elixir. It took ten years to gather the ingredients and succeed at stopping his aging. It took another hundred years to refine the elixir to slowly restore his youth. And finally, after a thousand years, he perfected it.
Content, he traveled back to his country of origin to share his elixir with the descendants of his people. However, upon arriving there the city officials found ancient records of an unpaid loan for a camel for his original journey. Given the centuries of compounded interest he was unable to pay the ludicrous fine and was condemned to debtor's prison and hung within the month.
The evening sun painted Millie's apartment gold, and Susan hadn't given her any time before pushing her down on the sofa.
You're quick, aren't you?"
"No time to waste like the present." Susan tossed her top off once more, mirroring her actions earlier in the day. Millie hadn't bothered to dress in more than her swimsuit on their drive back. It was true; they had gotten a few stares but the world hadn't ended. The sky was still there, Zacheus was still getting jerked off and Susan was now groping her breasts roughly.
"I can't..."
"Why not?"
Millie had no answer to give her. She had stopped thinking, but she wasn't slowing down at all. She was speeding up, growing dizzy as Susan pulled her ever down a slowly tightening whirlpool. Concentric circles tightened and constricted her like ropes of bondage.
It was sink or swim.
"No time like the present."
Zacheus groaned pleasurably as cum shot out in a voluminous explosion in all directions, coating his groin as well as shooting far off into space. It would speed along for untold ages, engulfing asteroids and dousing stars, until it reached the edge of the galaxy. "Holy shit, you're so good at this Frey." The act which spanned for eras had passed like seconds for the two colossi.
"Consider yourself lucky, I don't normally do this on the first date. You sure you're clean?" Frey eyed his crush suspiciously. "Humans spread so quickly and easily, the little fuckers."
"Yeah, I'm clean, it's cool." Zacheus lied smoothly.
"Not there-"
"Stop thinking so much-"
If one recorded every orgasm in the world on any given day on audio cassette, the resulting tape would be long enough to give the moon a reach-around.
"Please, just-"
A thirteen year old Millie lay under her covers with her eyes closed, marveling for the first time how wonderful she could feel at the simple act of touching herself. She gasped-
"Just let me forget for one moment-"
Venus Beach was a wasteland of cum in the aftermath, entirely coating the beach and floating as a thin layer on the waters. The seabed was more or less a layer of dead fish starved of oxygen. It would be centuries before Zacheus would wipe most of the mess away.
Millie was suspended in zero-gravity as she cried out and shuddered in orgasmic amnesia. For this brief moment, she was the center of the entire universe. Empty space, pure and punctured with starlight, filled her lungs like clear waters as she drowned in disorientation.
All too soon rapture left her, the waters receded, and she was alive again.
Susan giggled as she jerked out from under her. "God! Haha, you didn't tell me you were a squirter!"
Millie breathed out, relieved, before her posture slowly changed from relaxed to tense. "... I'm sorry."
The Milky Way flew, shimmering in space in an instant that lasted a thousand eons, before splattering against the wall. Chronus sniffed and looked around the alley, making sure no one saw. He pulled his cock back in his trousers and shambled back inside the bar.
Inside, he sat back down at the sticky table and took another drink of beer. His friends welcomed him back warmly and one threw his arm around his shoulder. "Don't let it get to you, if she ran out on you she wasn't worth it. No worries, there's more fish out there."
"She was so fucking hot though," Chronus moaned, and he sank deep into drink.