The universe giveth, and the universe taketh away. Either way, the universe is always listening.
It all started when I received a panicked phone call from my friend Rebecca.
“Hey! I’m so, so sorry to bother you, but my boyfriend is out of town on a business trip and I need your help taking care of this gross… bug that I found running around our apartment. Do you think you could come over please?”
Rebecca was kind and funny, so I always enjoyed when we got to hang out. The fact that she was stunningly attractive didn’t hurt either.
I threw on my sneakers and jogged over to her townhouse a few blocks down the street. I’d barely finished knocking when she opened the door. She was wearing a white sleeveless shirt that hugged the curves of her breasts, and short baby blue shorts that barely covered her butt. Her straight, chestnut brown hair was down, and although I could see she was flustered, she still smiled warmly when she saw me.
“Oh my gosh, thank you again for coming over!I know I’m being a bit ridiculous, but this insect is so gross it’s driving me crazy... Anyway, come in, come in,” she said as she opened the door widely enough for me to pass.
As I made my way towards her living room, I walked by a wall-mounted shoe rack with rows upon rows of Rebecca’s shoes adorning it. There were boots with chunky heels, stilettos, flats… even some wedges and beat-up Converse sneakers! My breath caught in my throat as I stared, so it was a good thing that Rebecca was already in the next room.
“Hey, I’m over here!” she called.
I snuck one last peek at her high heels, sighed wistfully, and then followed Rebecca’s voice. It took a concerted effort to pull myself away from her tantalizing footwear.
When I walked into Rebecca’s bedroom, I was greeted by an incredible sight. She was on her hands and knees looking under the bed, her round bottom high in the air. “I’m pretty sure it’s a silverfish, by the way. You know-- long bodies and antennae, lots of legs, spiky tail, stupid fast? Know what I’m talking about?”
“Mmmh” was all I could manage in response.
Rebecca continued, oblivious. “I’m pretty sure silverfish like darkness too... I saw it scurry under my bed right before you got here.”
“Mmmh,” I said again. I’m nothing if not eloquent.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“Yes, of course. Just thinking about how we’re going to get this bug. That’s all.”
“K, just checking. How about you look under the bed, see if you can spot it? I’ll be right back.” Rebecca got up and left the room while I bent down and searched for the intruder under her bed. I saw several tupperware bins filled with clothes and a few dust bunnies, but no silverfish.
After a few moments, I heard footsteps behind me and then past me. Rebecca’s slippered feet then appeared on the opposite side of the bed.
“See it?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, not yet.”
“Well, keep looking,” she said. “You know, I really appreciate you coming over so quickly by the way. And I’m sorry, I really am! I should be able to do this on my own, but I just… bugs and I don’t mix, you know?” Her chuckle was sweet, like bells tinkling. “That said, can you imagine how fucking massive we must look to this bug? I mean, I’m barely 5’3 but compared to it I’m a total giant! And yet I’m probably more scared of it than it is of me! It’s kinda funny, in a way.”
That darn cute laugh again. In that moment, I was so thankful I was out of her view as I closed my eyes and imagined Rebecca as a giant towering over me. I shivered.
Once I regained my composure, I shimmied backwards from under the bed. Rebecca had walked over to me, and I looked up at her, still on my knees. My eyes were level with her baby blue shorts and toned thighs. Does she not know how attractive she is? Is this all one big game to her, or is she honestly this oblivious?
As if determined to further push me over the brink, Rebecca took another step closer to me.
“You know where I first found the bug? Inside one of these slippers!” she chuckled, pointing at the tan LL Bean slippers she was wearing.
I’d kill to be this bug, I thought.
“Well, anyway, maybe the little bugger escaped and went back to the living room,” Rebecca said. “It’s a fast little fucker! Come on.”
She hustled into the living room and I followed, trying hard not to stare at her butt too obviously.
She stopped abruptly.
“There it is! Get it!” she urged, and I looked where she was pointing, remembering the “real” reason I was visiting. There, between the couch and coffee table, was an inch-long silverfish. While its long antennae twitched every few seconds, it was otherwise immobile.
I slowly reached for a magazine on the coffee table and then inched closer, not waiting to startle the silverfish and cause it to hide again. I raised the magazine over my head and prepared to--
“Hey, do you want to use this shoe instead? Heavier, you know.”
I looked up at Rebecca, and time stood still.
Her long, toned legs were at my eye level, and I could barely see her face poking out past her breasts as Rebecca stared down at me. She extended a tan boot with chunky heels to me, and I uttered a silent prayer of thanks that I was already kneeling. As I turned from her to face my foe, all I could think about was how I would have given anything to trade places with that silverfish…
I blinked, and for a second everything looked blurry. Once my vision cleared, I found myself looking up, up, up at Rebecca. She was looking down at me, hands on her hips. I could do nothing but stare at her hazel eyes, and her thin, elegant lips. Suddenly, her brow furrowed, and she glared at me with a look of revulsion. Her expression scared me so much that I raised my antennae to fend her off, and--
Wait, what in the actual fuck??!
I tried stepping away from her, but my six segmented legs refused to work, and I just writhed on the floor. This caused Rebecca to squeal and then groan in disgust, a rumbling sound like distant thunder.
I felt emotions that my new insectile brain was too primitive to process. Everything felt both distant and painfully urgent at the same time. I tried blinking, but my new compound eyes rendered such a simple maneuver impossible.
I saw Rebecca lean forward, and then back to talk to… me
“My” body stood behind her, confusion and relief twisting “my” features. The silverfish, now in the driver’s seat of my body, shuffled backwards, bumping into a chair and table as it did so. It then ran out of the room.
Rebecca stared at “me” and yelled, “Wait! Where are you going? We have it cornered! Come back! Come… oh ok, I guess I’ll do this myself.” She screwed her eyes tight in a gesture that in any other circumstance would have been adorable, and reached for the chunky-heeled boot that I’d placed next to the coffee table.
Rebecca yelled at my doppelganger one last time, but by this point “I” was long gone. Rebecca leaned closer and lifted her boot over my head, the flat sole filling my entire field of vision. I tried running, but all I managed with my multi-jointed legs was a fit of spasms. My antenna twitched frantically, sending panicked messages down my ganglia.
It was over in an instant, as Rebecca brought her shoe crashing down with brutal finality. I tried to scream, but my chitinous mouth parts made no sound besides futile clicking.
THOOOOOM.
My exoskeleton offered no resistance as my guts splattered under the impact of Rebecca’s boot.
But hey.
At least I’d gotten to see her as a giantess.